I am going to try something different today. Get a little more personal.
I wish I knew how to start this off, but I don't. I guess I am worried that if I say it out loud or if I put the words to paper it will be true and that makes me panic. I know that I shouldn't be this upset over something that some people would find trivial, but for those who know what I am talking about it's a big deal.
I have anxiety. I have always been a natural worrier. Someone who is always trying to make sure everyone is happy or the first person to fix a situation if I can. The unknown variable is what makes my anxiety really bad. When I am not in control of something and I have no way of knowing what the outcome will be. I know that life is full of surprises, but when something comes out of nowhere and I can't do anything to stop it or start it I get panicked.
Being thrown into something where I don't know what I am suppose to do or I don't know someone who can help guide me sends me into a tailspin. I will over think things to the point of making myself sick and I do try and calm my mind and focus on something else, but it's always in the back of my mind ready to make itself known to me. I over analyze what I think will happen or the bad things that could come out of the situation before I know more.
It's really hard to explain how fast my anxiety can come upon me or can flare up. It's like being thrown into a pool and not knowing how to swim or being put in a room with someone or something you are afraid of and you have no way out. Wanting to fight, but have a voice in your head that tells you it's no use, you might as well give in to the fear or the rising panic.
I wasn't able to fully understand what was going on with me for many years. I just thought I was a "worry wart" - someone who may worry about things without a solid reason. It wasn't until in high school that I was having episodes where I would get really dizzy and almost pass out while doing normal everyday things that I knew I had to see a doctor and finally found out that I was suffering from anxiety attacks. I was told they were common in teenagers due to our high level of angst and that it would probably go away. Well I was a teenager a long time ago and though the severe episodes have stopped they still creep up on me when I am not looking.
The bright side was that I knew what I was fighting against and that I could find solutions to help combat the anxiousness and the attacks that I suffer from. The biggest weapon you can have in my mind is being positive. Making sure you have positive thoughts and surrounding yourself with people who have positive attitudes. I have found that really helps because laughter and kindness are contagious. They rub off on people and can turn a frown upside down. Being able to see the silver lining in a situation is imperative.
I also found writing down my thoughts and feelings helped make sense of them. I was able to explain in my own words why I was thinking or feeling a certain way and try to find a reasonable solution. Talking to someone I trusted has also been a big factor because I am able to get another perspective and get advice about the situation from someone who is not in the middle of the fray and who has a clearer picture of the whole thing.
I know that I will continue to deal with and manage my anxiety, but I will take what I have learned over the years and put them all to good use. I am hoping by being a little more honest and open that I can help at least person understand that this monster so to speak does not have to control your life. That you can slay your dragons and fight back with the tools I have mentioned.
I am always looking for ways to improve my methods of dealing with my anxiety so I ask that if you have any tips or suggestions to let me know. Or if you need to talk that I am always here to lend an ear or a helping hand. If we come together and support one another we can beat this and find our road to happiness.
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