No matter how big or small a loss may be, it still has the ability to cut to the bone.
October 28, 2016 was the day my life was thrown upside down. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and everything on the surface was perfect. No one can predict when the rain clouds will form and all that you thought right in the world goes horribly wrong.
My family and I were on our way out of town for an annual event we attend. We had been so productive that morning and things were looking up. Weather was great and we were happy. Nothing was going to get in our way of having a fun filled weekend with some of our closest friends. Little did we know with one phone call all of that changed.
About halfway to our destination we pulled over to a rest area to stretch out our legs and get some much needed snacks and drinks. We all split up to use the facilities and reconvened to discuss who wanted what from which place. We all agreed to get Tim Horton's (how Canadian of us). Standing in line chatting with my mom waiting to place our order, her cell phone starts ringing in her pocket. We both assumed it was someone we would be seeing during the weekend finding out how far we were from the place we would be staying.
In what now feels like slow motion my mother reached into her pocket and pulled her cell phone out. She glanced at the screen and passed the phone to me mentioning to me who it was that was calling. I remember hearing the ringing and knowing somewhere in the back of my mind something was wrong. I passed the phone back to her telling my mom I didn't want to answer it. The person calling didn't want to speak to me anyway.
The voice that came over the phone when the call was answered couldn't have possibly been the level headed woman I was use to. She was making no sense and kept asking where we were. My mother finally stepped out of line and concentrated on what was being said. After what seemed like forever my mother finally asked her to tell her what was wrong or in her words "spit it out, what is the matter". The look that came over my mother's face is something I will not soon forget, the color drained away and disbelief clouded her features.
By this time we had moved to a table away from everyone and awaited what was happening. Of course my first instinct was the something had happened to my uncle or their daughter. I was flashed back to a previous phone call where there was a car accident involving another family member and all I could hear was the screaming and crying. I was able to make sense of what happened and sent my parents to the scene to aid them. It still gets under my skin even now. What we were actually told took my breath away as there was no way that it was true.
Joey my cousin, 32 year old healthy, life loving, husband and father of 2 beautiful young boys had been injured in a workplace accident. I was gut punched and was so shocked I started shaking like I was in the freezing cold. I do not recall a time when I had such a visceral reaction to something. I lost my breath and my ability to feel. We were asked to come back home because we needed to be together and immediately agreed. It felt like time stood still as we drove back to the city and to the realization this was in fact happening.
We arrived in record time like some higher power knew we needed to get home in a hurry and all the traffic disappeared. Pulling up to my Aunt and Uncle's condo building and seeing the tears in everyone's eyes made it all come into focus. He was really gone and there was nothing we could do about it. We all hugged each other and sobbed for the loss of someone we loved more than we loved ourselves. Being together was the only response that we could come up with. Rallying together was the only option. We had family fly in from all over Canada to support each other in our time of darkness.
The days that followed will forever be ingrained in my memory. Watching people who were once strong become weak with grief was one the hardest experiences I have ever been apart of. I am sure some people would find what I am about to say morbid, but there is comfort in knowing you are not dealing with the loss or the pain alone. There are a room full of people who know the kind of heart stopping, soul shattering pain you are experiencing. That the ability to breath or to feel become almost impossible. There are no words adequate enough to describe what this experience has been like for all that know Joey and love him beyond measure.
It has been 12 months, 365 days and counting since the accident that never should have happened took a life and a light that will never be matched. It still feels like yesterday that we got the devastating news that Joseph Stanley Clarke Fancey was called into the heavens above to become what he had always been to so many here on earth, an angel. I wonder if he misses us as much as we miss him. I have dealt with this loss as best I could, but there are days I still don't believe this is our life now. I can't imagine a family function where Joey isn't there with a smile and a hug for everyone. I try and comfort myself with the notion that he gave up his life for someone else. That in some way he knew that by letting go another family wouldn't have to go through what we are all still dealing with, but I shouldn't be surprised because he was one of the most selfless people I have ever known.
Friday October 28, 2016 - Rest Peacefully Joey. I love you too the moon and back!
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